Tango in the Desert | Honing Intuition - "I've been to the zoo..."

5~ Navigations: Caged by steps & freeing the animals within

[Footnotes — a convenient tip — click the number to view the footnote which usually contains a helpful anecdote, video link or definition. Then click the number next to the footnote to return to your place in the text.]

One of the greatest challenges I had the first ten years trying to dance Tango was relaxing: relaxing in the social milonga, relaxing in a chaotic ronda¹, relaxing in my own abilities, relaxing in the music.  It was a lot of trouble trying to relax.  It took me a very long time, 11 years, in fact, before I found the confidence to ease into the flow.

I’d like to save you all that time and trouble. 

I’ve been down a lot of bad roads, roads leading nowhere, roads with no views, and occasionally some nice moments here and there.  But I always felt a bit lost, caged-in and confused why some days were good and why most nights were bad.  It wasn’t until I found my compass for what social Argentine Tango is in Buenos Aires in 2016 that I began to consistently, almost daily, enjoy this dance.  

“I’ve been to the zoo.”

One of my favorite opening lines of any play is in Edward Albee’s “Zoo Story” (the original, not the mundane “upgrade”)². I dislike zoos. They make me very uncomfortable, observing animals that had no choice in being there. It’s too crowded and cacophonic for me. Tango had a similar effect and affect on me early on. There’s no sense of the natural world, just cages and walls separating animals. I had this experience with Tango the first decade of just cage after cage after cage on a winding path, sequence after sequence after sequence with no sense of place. How can we truly understand the animal outside of its natural environment? How does one relax when they feel caged in and can’t see or understand their surrounding?

I attest my first awakening to a sense of place to a teacher I studied with from 2016-2022, Monica Paz³.  What I had been lacking up to that point was context for what this dance was. From 2005-2016 Tango had been shown to me as patterns of the feet going places. In Argentina no one I studied with spoke of the feet — only feeling — and where the bodies were going.  Six months before I’d make this first Tango trip to Buenos Aires, I had taken a private lesson with Monica in the U.S.  It was in May of 2016 a couple days after I had, yet again, quit Tango for good, this time forever. I had to travel up to 2 hours one-way in those days to find a milonga (in Philly or NYC). My work van was a clunker and a real pain to unload all of the tools to get to either city. The milonga must have been a chaotic ronda and maybe there had been too many cool kids or something… I just had enough of the frustration and lack of sense of “why am I doing this?” Just after making that morning’s coffee declaration to myself — “I am done with Tango” — and feeling quite chuffed at a sense of freedom, I received a phone call. It was Edilia. Edilia was one of two Colombian grandmothers who were also in my first Tango classes. She was the epitome of decorum, grace and poise. She was always encouraging and she was quite a lovely dancer. I was a bit surprised by the call.

“Hello.”

“Hello Graham, this is Edilia, there is a very interesting teacher in from Buenos Aires.”

“Ah, well, you see I have decided to quit Tango for good this morning, I…”

“That is nice to hear. She is giving private lessons in northern New Jersey. Only two hours away. You should seek her out. I will give you the information.”

“I… yeah, ok. I’ll get a pen.”

There was still half a cup of coffee in the mug. It cooled while I jotted down the info. Edilia went on to tell me a little more about this teacher before naming her.  It was Monica Paz. I had been familiar with her PractiMilonguero interviews⁴. I watched almost all of these interviews after having been dragged out to a large group class some years previous, I think it may have been in 2012. I was not dancing at the time. I was in one of the several dozen stretches of quitting Tango. Luckily these friendly folk were quite persistent in calling me up to encourage me to come out for a special workshop with an Argentinian teacher. Monica Paz was very old school, poised, and she stood out in the room. She did not teach any steps that night in Pennsylvania. This upset some folk in the room who were expecting some fancy, and impossible-to-dance-socially, figure. That was the rage in the U.S. in those years. She did not yield to this expectation. I remember her saying something like ‘I will teach you the Tango you need to know, the one that is my culture.’ The class was challenging. It was only on a milonguero-style changing of weight.

After Edilia’s phone call that fated morning in May 2016, when Tango yet again refused to be “broken up with,” I wrote an email to Monica inquiring about either a 2 or 3 hour private lesson. The location was a two-hour drive each direction. She agreed to one hour with the possibility of two depending on how we got along after a coffee. We had a nice coffee. Afterward she asked, with a slight grimace, “what… step… would you like to work on?” I replied, “no step. I’ve seen your interviews and I can’t tell what the milongueros are doing, it looks like nothing… but all of their partners look so happy, calm and swept into the music.” She smiled and said “Really? You wish to learn this? Truly? I will be your teacher.” We had a two-hour private lesson that day and I knew I wanted to start over from the beginning — and build a proper foundation this time.

A few months passed into August when I fell off of a building I was restoring. It was a freak accident. I fell 18 feet and landed on the asphalt, on my stomach and face, missing an open steel door, an A/C unit, twisted steel we’d been dismantling and the scaffolding. My large drill with a 16” auger bit miraculously fell after I did and somehow landed on the concrete ledge above me. One of the temporary wooden railings hadn’t been properly re-secured after adjusting one of the 20-foot long wooden pillars I was installing on Touchstone Theatre in Bethlehem, PA that summer. The fella working with me that day saw me fall past him and heard me hit the asphalt. By the time he got down to ground level I was standing, checking for bones and quite pissed off at myself for falling. He looked at me agape and began to dry heave. I thought: ‘great, I’ve gone and fractured my back, again! (like I did in 2000).’ I couldn’t feel or see any bones or blood. “There’s not a scratch on you dude… what the f…” Elvis was pale. His name was Elvis, I was not seeing the Elvis. I was mad with adrenaline. “Alright, let’s get back to work.” An hour later Elvis said he couldn’t work anymore, he was too shaken up. It was the last day he worked on the job. He thought I had been killed in the fall by the sound. He thought he was going to find me mangled in a heap. I should have been. I finished out the day and on the drive home, coming over a crest where town faded to cornfields, the sun was setting into the summer’s haze over the smooth Blue Ridge mountains to the North. I had to pull the truck over. The flashbacks of the fall came rolling over me in strong sets of relentless waves. The sun faded low and long into the quiet. I told myself I needed to change my life. I was a workaholic. Construction would be the death of me. “I’ll return to Argentina, this time to learn this (cuss word) dance.”

That night I contacted Monica. She recommended November and December. I booked a plane ticket to Buenos Aires for a two month trip that very night.

I studied intensively with her that first trip to Buenos Aires for Tango. We had 6 hours a week of private lessons and long discussions about Argentine Tango, the music, the history, the people and why they dance. I spent scores of hours reading, transcribing lyrics, inquiring about the Lunfardo (prison slang) references, studying my notes, practicing and experiencing the social milongas she recommended.   We also studied with three guest milongueros that I admired from her PractiMilonguero interviews:  Juan Lencina, Eduardo “el nene” Masci, and Roberto “el chino perico” Ponce.  It seemed to me, studying with them, that they cared only for the music, la caminata (the walk) and the social element of what a milonga was. Tango for them was life, not a dance with steps. It was an expression of life, feeling — sentimiento! The flow of the ronda was more important than any sequence.  And, they all believed in a relaxed body, liberated hips, and connection with the floor.  The floor was their best friend, I heard this over and over again. They used the floor to move themselves through spaces. There was no stepping with the free leg and then trying to catch up to it.

The baseline of what I learned in those two months in Buenos Aires dismantled almost everything I had been told what Tango was up to that point. Up to that point from 2005-2016 Tango felt like walls so tall with no doors or windows. Some days light and music poured in, not always, sometimes it would rain and it all sounded the same. I could never see the landscape. It was like being captive in a zoo and having food launched over the walls – plop – “here is another sequence with no context for why you are here, kid.”

Monica was the first to introduce me to the concept of sending my torso with the standing leg (we use “actively grounding leg⁵” at the studio). It opened up a pathway to see the correlation with the martial arts, especially Tai Chi, that I studied in my teens. I was then able to bring in those experiences into my own dance, the idea of sixty-forty (60/40)⁶ from martial arts and the connective movements I learned with Tai Chi.  She was also the first I recall talking about inside and outside partner navigation, too, as half torso and full torso alignments.  I’ve been able to take this further into my own by infusing what I love about maps and navigating with compasses. I like being in places unknown and figuring out my bearings.  That provided me  context for plugging in yet another passion into the dance.  I had two contexts from my life I could add to Tango. Thirdly, she was the first to place credence, importance on the two methods of collecting: juntar (to bring together) and rozar (to brush).  I prefer the word gathering, also a definition of juntar, as I find it more inclusive as in experiences shared. However, most people use the word “collect” for centering the body between movements, I just don’t like this word because it reminds me of taxes.  We use rozar / el roce as “to sweep / sweep” in classes instead of “brush”.  Tomato, tomatoe, it’s all accents.  This woke me up to yet another love of mine: storytelling.  A story is only as good as its pauses, the lulls that bring the listener closer into the moment so they feel actively engaged, complicit if you will, in the story’s creation.

Think about this for a second, though.  After eleven years of learning Tango in North America… (with one exception—>click the footnote)⁷… 11 years… I get to Buenos Aires and learn for the first time how important those three elements are: how to send intention, where to move and why we pause.

The day the walls fell.

I found Tango not in the steps, but in the correlation of this dance to all the things in life that I love, respect and that inspire me.   Tango is a folkloric dance, one forged in an amalgamation of cultures converging in foreign lands yearning to connect, understand and be understood when language would most often prove a barrier.  I find that seeking understanding through social constructs, community, human codes has enriched connecting with this dance the most.   

I was glad to have met an authentic source for helping me feel what I was supposed to be feeling in this dance and how, with each private lesson, understand in body what it is to convey that in the dance with my partner. I wonder if it is like not having sight and having someone describe the place you are in and it slowly reveals as something so completely different than was expected. I still had to find my own way, but there was at least bedrock being exposed on which to survey and build.

That year, late November of 2016, the walls fell to a vast landscape in all directions.  I remember feeling in that moment, standing in the studio on calle Riobamba, of having the world open to me and the serenity I feel while witnessing slow setting suns. The world of Tango was vast and this comforted me.  I didn’t have to know it all, only enjoy the views and in my own time set off to explore interesting paths. I had the tools I would need – a compass, social context and the ground beneath my feet – and was being shown known paths, authentic paths, experienced paths by Monica and the milongueros. The learning of how to navigate myself more efficiently began in Buenos Aires after 11 years of stumbling in the dark. This past year with Puerta al Tango I’ve learned so much more about how to navigate with others from the deeply enriching experience of guiding this dance. I use the word guiding because I wish to earn the title of teacher.  I am very confident in my ability, experience and knowledge of navigating and understanding landscapes.  So, I use the word guide, as was suggested to me by my friend and current mentor, Brigitta Winkler.

Like most things in life, simplicity is richness.

Tango is also more about my passions in life than just dancing Tango. This dance comes alive inside of me when I incorporate my life into it, things I love: writing, words, conversations, ideas, animals, animal movements, sounds in nature, sounds of working (when I was a carpenter – not the power tools so much), the music, correlations, boxing, Muay Thai, Tai Chi, unbridled laughter, compassion, and an untiring desire to understand and hopefully be understood.

I am thankful for having found authentic guidance for understanding this dance and having had the opportunity, the experience, to learn and live it in Buenos Aires for month stretches at a time between 2016-2022. The experiences are invaluable, having solid ground beneath my feet and no walls penning me in with steps and figures.

Tango in the Desert is all about this — exploration — and questioning all I’ve been told in the past. I question it all until it holds its own. Within Puerta al Tango I relish this time to seek out my own truths, verifying them for myself, being curious of potential in sharing movement, and being open to ideas of how others may experience what I know in my gut to be true. It is a journey. I am glad I focused more on how to navigate rather than memorizing paths.

Saving you time and trouble… I hope these writings will expedite your own enjoyment of your own journey with Tango by adding perspective and insight learned from a lot of trial and open-minded experience. Tango is not steps, in my opinion. It can be if you like, but jazz is not playing notes. They are both untethered expressions of feeling — sentimiento.

Please take a moment to click  the ❤️ icon to like this article as well as any of our previous articles. It helps us grow on Substack allowing new readers to become aware of Tango in the Desert. Leaving comments and letting me know in person how you’ve enjoyed what has been written is so much appreciated and I thank you! Please consider becoming a supporting member to help us fund, sustain and grow this project. I will, however, continue to keep the written postings available —free — for all readers. 

What’s on Deck: Honing Intuition pt.1 | Octopossible & the guiding 8’s

Then in some order… (publication these past 3 weeks was delayed by over-drafts of ideas).

• Honing Intuition pt. ? | The Bull of Doubt - how surrender and vulnerability opens us to strengths

• Honing Intuition pt. ? | The Owl, the Rook and the Jackdaw ~ an ornithological guide to la mirada y el cabeceo

• Honing Intuition pt. ? | Moths to the Flame -No- ¡Que la música nos manda!

• Honing Intuition pt. ? | El Oso & bearing the burden of stewardship - why we don’t need leaders and we don’t need followers.

• Working Sounds | Molinetes are triangles (not grapevines) ~how the sounds of the working class may have shaped Tango.

• The 2 halves of us | Ipsilateral / Contralateral conjugations ~ keys to unlocking the two solar systems of tango: parallel (paralelo) and crossed (cruzado)

• Honing Intuition pt. ? | Con mi perro ~ how I learned to walk the last year of my Bo’s life… my teacher on four paws.

• Driving Tango | the sightless accelerator and the clutch-easing navigator. Exploring tandas as mini roadtrips each with a hand on the steering wheel.

Massive thanks to Jutta Lehmer for slugging through so many of the drafts these past 3 weeks. There have been over 8 drafts of what will now be article #7, and two completely new articles deriving/prequeling “The Bull of Doubt” which should publish in the near future.  Thank you, Jutta, for your keen observations, support and challenging me when I make statements that I have yet to fully back up. I am so thankful and appreciative for your time and editorial skills.  If there are grammatical mistakes in this article that is fully on me for making changes after proofs!

Thank you to whatever it is that keeps my dumbarse alive all the times I should’ve died⁸, and Tango for being so patient with me until I came to understand that it is a reflection of life and feeling and will show us how we truly are in the moment.

Please visit our website at: www.puerta-al-tango.com and check out our October 12-13th workshops of dancing dynamically in small spaces, embodying much of what we have written about up to the point.  Workshops October 12-13 Link

1. Milongas are the social gathering events (also a style of music). Rondas are the “rounds” as in the lines of dance that dancers flow in on the dance floor (pistas del baile). Rondas get chaotic when a few, or many, dancers lack social codes or the good manners of dancing calm and not disturbing others… or dance completely ignoring the music. Rondas have lanes and the codes of tango are we stay in our lanes and flow politely without acting like bumper cars or swerving in traffic.

2. “Zoo Story” by Edward Albee - the original one-act plays was brilliant. It is a story of the human need to understand and be understood. In 2009 it was “upgraded” to a two-act and all the subtle beauty was stripped out when one key line was stricken from the original park scene and the poetic sound of “James Michener” was replaced with “Stephen King.” No offense to Stephen King, but it gutted me to have to have to speak a name that was non poetic to the line in a play I loved. I played the role of Jerry in 1999 (Lehigh University) and 2009 (independent production hosted by Touchstone Theatre). “I’ve been to the zoo.”

3. Monica Paz - www.monicapaz.com. Tango is a feeling. Secrets of sending movement.

4. PractiMilonguero interviews are a fantastic gateway into understanding Tango, the real Argentine social Tango. My favorites are: Juan Lencina, Roberto “el chino perico” Ponce, Alberto Dassieu and Eduardo “el nene” Masci.

5.

6. Sixty-forty (60/40) is the weight distribution boxers, Thai kickboxers and most martial arts use for staying relaxed, nimble and connected with the floor, using it to deliver powerful strikes and also deftly and quickly moving out of or into the way. 60% of our active body weight is in the leg driving the motion / pulling the power from the floor. 40% still in our inactive leg that is just going along for the ride and being there to take over that 20% to be the new active leg at any given moment. The 40% never drives nor does it take us anywhere… yet many people in Tango are traveling down roads to nowhere following their “free leg” instead of sending themselves in know directions.

7. Robin Thomas (NYC) was the exception. During the span of 2006-2009 I recall catching a few of his lessons and they always made sense, were “simple,” but highly useful and applicable. I think I was able to catch a total of 6 classes with him in that span of years. He is a fantastic DJ and will be here in November teaching and DJing at the Albuquerque Tango Festival Oct-30 through Nov-3. Definitely take a class with him while he’s here in town! He also studied with Brigitta Winkler. http://robinthomastango.com/w/

8. Below are photos of the job that “fell” tango into my present and every day life… It happened, and I don’t know how or why… but it changed my life and I’m going with it…

all-in.

Photos of the job: https://www.facebook.com/share/p/yh2NU5Z4pEZmw9Xu/

An award for the work: https://www.facebook.com/share/p/5VtzxzEsw8ZRTh5E/